Shitty

I'm so sick of everything. I'm sick of talking about my mother being gone, I'm sick of the way people look at me, I'm sick about worrying constantly about stupid things that I shouldn't worry about, and I'm just sick of my life. Today was a really crappy day. So many shitty things happened. But this is my life, no matter what happens. I miss my mother so much. I wish she were here to tell me to knock it off, quit worrying. Or tell me what I should do. I just miss her voice and her presence. Every single day it hurts. I don't want sympathy from anyone, that's not why I write this stuff. I just need to vent and sometimes this makes me feel a little bit better. I'm very tempted to shut my facebook down until after Mother's Day. I don't want any more reminders. And I'm just sick of all the drama facebook brings. I get very angry when I read ridiculous complaints on there. Try losing your mother then you can have something to complain about. And see, that's mean. I can't help but be angry, especially at everyone else because they don't know what I'm going through. But that's not fair at all. And I realize that, so mostly I just keep my mouth shut. My higher dosage of meds are working a lot better, so I'm hoping to regulate myself this week. I'm just waiting for something good to happen, to remind me that life isn't this shitty as it has been. Just one little ray of hope. I hope it happens soon, because I'm going crazy. My mom's service was great yesterday. Everyone made it so nice. Thanks to everyone for everything you did.