Epically lost.

Sometimes, things happen in your life that make you hard. We go through life and each hardship that we have changes, us a little. Each time your heart is broken, your mind changes. Each time you lose someone you love, your mind changes. Everything changes us, whether we can see it or not. Sometimes all of these changes, turn you into an epic asshole. You don't even realize how much of an asshole you are truly being, until something terrible happens because of it. It takes someone walking away from you, to really get it. I've been in some shitty relationships, I've been treated terribly by some people. But for a long time, I was fine with the all of the hurt. It made me tougher, it made me feel something, even if it was bad. Each time something ended, it hardened me more, which for some reason, I liked. But now, here I sit, alone, realizing that I've turned into such an asshole. People tell me all of the time when I'm being mean and I never listen. I never do anything mean to hurt others, but sometimes I'm just mean. I don't want to blame it on the fact that I lost my mother, but some things just always go back to that. Not having her here for some tough times in my life, has really effected me. Here I sit, feeling all sorts of terrible feelings, and I only have myself to thank for it.

Now I'm just trying to stay afloat.


the world was at my fingertips
life was so profound
everything made me feel so great
and now I feel like I'm screaming out loud
once I had everything
and now it's slipped away
for a mind so drenched in love
was secretly drenched in pain
if I could take it all back
and rewind it back to the beginning
I'd do it all over again
so you could see
how much you mean to me